Jen Aniston and Her Many… Many… Men

Here’s what I don’t understand….. while skimming through the latest magazines in 7-11 I came across the new ELLE cover with Jennifer Aniston on the cover. How is it possible she’s become even HOTTER with age? The woman is BANGIN’ to say the least. I would do her. That’s besides the point… here’s what I did MEAN to discuss:

WHY IN THE WORLD IS SHE STILL SINGLE?!? She is somewhat of an enigma if you ask me……

I will recap her past flames and give you my insight into what “possibly had happened” and who she should be persuading to take her back.

I will start with THE BEST relationship Jen was ever in, “THE BEAUTIFUL COUPLE — BRAD AND JEN”

A) How unfair is it that they are both equally as attractive? SICKENING.

B) Their hair color even coordinated. Come on, it’s fate!

C) They would have had probably the most adorable children ….. ever.

D) Unlike Angie, Jen doesn’t dig blood around her neck.

Now onto the WORST relationship Jen found herself in: “THE OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO END… IT’S JOHN MAYER, JOHN & JEN RELATIONSHIP”

It doesn’t really need to be explained just how skanky and man-whorish John Mayer is. While I adore his music and buy his albums, his habit of “kissing and telling” is just way below the belt. I’m sorry I really don’t want to envision you orgasming when you make the most disgusting facial expressions when SINGING… let alone in the bedroom. Get of out here JM, really. Jen should’ve listened to her friends who told her ABORT MISSION from the beginning.

The we have the, “THIS IS THE… WELL, IT’S CONVENIENT AND WERE BOTH FAMOUS RELATIONSHIP– VINCE AND JEN”

Clearly this wasn’t what her horoscope told her to do. He’s tall, somewhat gawkish, and clearly was not into Jen. I see the attraction to Vince somewhat… he’s funny yes. I would like to chug a few beers with him then hit the billiard pool, but not date him. But hey, that’s me. Regardless, once filming for whatever flop movie they were in together wrapped — they did too. Not a big love lost here.

Lastly we have the “YOUR NAME IS BRAD AND WHILE YOU’RE NO BRAD PITT, YOU’LL DO FOR NOW RELATIONSHIP– JEN AND BRAD x2″

Here we have Exhibit A- which we see all too often, Jen on a romantic date with a celebrity male. Shortly following this date will be tabloid fotter saying Jen has been impregnated or found the man of her dreams. I know the ladder is untrue, can’t say the same for the baby situation. She picked “the man” of the moment — he’s the new Robin Williams, granted, but had no interest in her either and quickly swept up Renee Zellwiger (which literally isn’t all too hard to do).

Dear Jen,

Here’s my plan of attack for you. Ditch men and buy a cat…. or two.

My Obsession with The Obama’s

I rarely say I crush on women- the likelihood you’ll hear the words “girl” and “crush” in the same sentence is .0004%. Michelle Obama happens to fall into that itty bitty category however. She’s everything I aspire to be in life: disciplined, fashionable, and carefree. Obama’s great and all, don’t get me wrong, but there is something about Michelle that lures me in. I think it’s her ability to let loose and have fun with her hubby and kids on vacations while also being extremely anal (i.e. her habit of waking up at 4 am to work out and play piano).

Her fashion sense is out of control — I used to care about style. I actually won Best Dressed in my high school believe it or not. The years in college, however, have turned me into somewhat of a lazy human being. I opt for the sweats or jogging pants when possible and rarely doll myself up. I consider a nicer pair of jeans accompanied by a “nicer” dress top to be my attempt at being fashionable.

She has a way about throwing her outfits together– while all of the pieces look thrown together in a way that’s “casual chic”, she totally spends the time to plot out “WOW outfits”.

I think the Obama’s are very similar to the Kennedy’s in my eyes. My mom was unbelievably enamored with JFK growing up and I can see why now with the Obama’s. There’s an air of elegance and simplicity to their family dynamic and style. I would love to be part of their clan — scouting for potential dogs, tasting what’s cooking in the White House Kitchen, and most of all… go on their vacations.

Exhibit A- The Obama’s Headed to Martha’s Vineyard this past weekend

Exhibit B- The Kennedy’s- Most likelllyyy at Martha’s Vineyard as well

While the family does travel more than those working for Conde Nast, I think their way of styles and way of life will be emulated for centuries to come. While I don’t have Jackie O to look to for style advice, I feel Michelle’s making quite a name for herself as is….

Shia, Taylor, Miley, Tom- Celebrities I Like But Wish I Didn’t

1) Taylor Swift- My preconceived notion about Taylor was that she pretty much fell under the “tweenie bopping guitar thumping” label… or even under the Disney crew. Neither of which I came to realize was the case. I also originally didn’t like her merely because she has the same name as myself and is wildly more popular. After getting over the grudges, I began hearing hype about this wholesome, work crazed musician so I decided to read up and listen in… and what a mistake I had made. She’s SO anti- LiLo in her lack of interest dating women, wearing belly tops, and crashing into cars drunkenly. She pretty much put her entire tour together from lighting to music to ensemble …. and her songs are great too. Overall, I would love to say I still hated Taylor Swift but she’s currently background music on my ITunes, so that’s clearly not the case.

2) Miley Cyrus- OK, don’t judge me for this one buttttt…. I have posted derogatory Miley posts, I’m aware. However, she has her shit together- I have to admit. Some of her music is wildly catchy and fun to “bop” to– literally and metaphorically. I don’t think she’s classy nor would I ever take a ticket for her concert if given to me but I don’t think she’s half bad. I think she should PROBABLY invest in tooth reconstruction work, but that’s me being bitchy. She seems to do well with the teen girls/ Disney scene — personally I am still confused about who she plays on TV and who she is in her music. Miley or Hannah Montana? I don’t get it. Regardless, I think she’s growing on me slowly but surely.

3) Tom Brady- I don’t like people who are fawned after– ever. And seeing as that I live in Boston, he’s practically a messiah. I think he’s extremely attractive and sporty. Sure if a conversation were to ever come about involving economics, politics, or anything scholarly? I’m sure he would have to excuse himself to go to the bathroom, but who cares. He’s talented and very…. very… nice to look at.

4) Shia LaBeouf- I’ve had an obsession with Shia ever since Even Stevens ENDED. Why should I not like him you ask? Well..

a) He’s fractured most of his body parts due to risky business– I will say though that the arm braces and bandages are somewhat sexy

b) He is an inner nerd, and while I am too? He isn’t embracing his old Disney roots- weak sauce.

c) I hear from various sources he’s somewhat crazy…. like psychologically. Oh well, I can deal.

Things Always In My Fridge

So, I guess I have a few food products that I’m addicted to…. You will never NOT find them my fridge. I do admit I have certain food tendencies. I don’t like to eat dinner prior to 7, I like to sit and have large breakfasts, and I refuse to make lunches. Another part of my tendencies plays out in my purchases as well. I think everyone can attest to the fact that they enjoy certain products, and will buy them over and over again right?

Here are my few staples always present in my kitchen:

1) Feta Cheese- I’d like to say I’m adventurous when it comes to my cheese selections, but I’m not… I stick to what I know and what I’m not allergic to… with that in mind you will always find crumbled Feta and Goat Cheeses in my fridge.

 

2) Whipped Cream- Again I say, it’s a rather embarrasing product to always have in my fridge, but since conception pretty  much I’ve been a fan of the treat. I put it on all of my fruit, waffles, and desserts. It never gets old in my book.

3) Cinnamon Raisin Bread- I grew up toasting a few slices of this bread, slathering on a few cubes of butter on top and then finishing it off with a sprinkle or two of cinnamon and sugar. Not much else compares, really.

 

4) Soy Vay Teryaki Sauce- You can’t really go wrong with making dinner when you have this teryaki sauce in your disposal. It’s less sodium-esque and more syrupy. OK that didn’t sound all too professional but really it’s delicious and a wonderful marinade for things such as chicken breats and flank steak.

 

Pop Singers- Where Are They Now?

So I’ve decided after hearing Radar by Britney on the radio day after day to write a blog about what’s unfolded with the pop singers of yesteryears. I’m going to run through my take on the top 3, from their prime to now… see whose progressed with their life and see whose flopped, majorly.

1) I have to start with Britney, while she should be the final “WHABAM” I thin it’s of utmost importance I start with the one who did the biggest 180… then another 180…. and perhaps a final 180 within the past 10 years.

This was Britney, literally …. as perfection. The snake, the body, the hair… I really couldn’t find a flaw even if I tried. Her moves were right on point– granted at this time in her life she was dating Mr. Timberlake, so who WOULDN’T be in a positively great state of mind? But my did the tables turn..

…. See Exhibit B, Britney, post buzzed head, two babies, a divorce from a gold digging hillbilly, and one hell of an embarrasing MTV “comeback” performance.

2) Mandy- See, I’m a big fan of Mandy. I don’t truly understand her and I don’t think she truly understands herself just yet however, she’s a very attractive and talented woman. Did I envy her when she was singing about Candy and dating Andy Roddick? Yes, a bit.

The big issue with Ms. Moore, however, is her inability to be herself. Everytime she dates someone new, she begins to look like that person — i.e., her new hipster/indie/non showering husband Ryan Adams. Is that even his name? I’m sorry if I butchered it.

3) Christina- Ok she MAY have won biggest turnaround out of them all… She went from being an INSANE sex-crazy wet bikini contestant to a happy mother and wife. Who woulda thought that the girl soaking wet in a wrestling bath would be content staying in and breast feeding her baby boy? NOT ME to say the least.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t include Jessica on the list, the rationale is very very simple… Not much has changed. She’s still making mistakes in her love life, wearing Daisy Dukes, and singing mediocre music.

Drake… Aubrey… Jimmy- The Many Sides of Aubrey Graham

So, I love when there’s hype surrounding certain people and relationships…. celebrity related that is. I thouroughly enjoy putting myself in celebrities shoes, even if it is just in my dreams. Like, for instance, I pretend at times that me and Shia are exclusive… a girl can dream right?

Anyways, while I just veered off track, I did have a point… I promise. I am in love with the current celebrity talk of the town: Drake. Why you may ask? Well there are a few main reasons:

1) I loved him as Jimmy on Degrassi… yes, I watch Degrassi. While I used to be embarrased, I’m am not a shamed anymore. I have been watching the show, thanks to my good friend Julia Gall, since freshman year of high school. He was one of my favorite characters — perhaps it was foreshadowing but he did if you don’t recall have a “Rap career” on the show as well

                     

2) I love his newly acquired fame as a rapper, AND as a major Trending Topic on Twitter as well! Granted, things such as #WeLoveJoeJonas are also on the top list, but hey, I am still happy he’s getting recognition for his music now. I think the only thing he has to worry about is the pressure riding on his first album…. a lot of people in the industry including my personal fave Lil Wayne are backing him and giving him the hype so now it’s up to him to prove he has what it takes.

3) Him and Rihanna — even if it’s JUST speculation… I dig. I dig it, big time. Why you may ask? Because clearly she won’t be with CB anytime soon but now that she has a new beau I can have Shia LaBeouf all to myself! No, but really, I think they are quite the power couple… and I like the intruige around whether or not they’re actually dating too. Maybe he will write love lyrics about her in his album? WHO KNOWS.

All I know is that regardless of what he wants to be called…. Jimmy? Drake? Aubrey? Rihanna’s boo? I most definitely think, “he’s the, he’s the best”. (Tacky, I know.)