My Devotion to the Saltine

In Uncategorized on January 22, 2009 at 5:25 am

…. The Saltine


One word. Big Impact. We have grown up on them; they were a quick and easy carb fix for most. In my own life, however, the word I would associate most with Saltines is panic attacks. Yes, you heard correct.

Since childhood, my biggest fear in life is getting “sick”. I truthfully don’t like any aspect of feeling queasy and the uncertainty of what’s to come. Well, whenever I felt sick, Saltines were my “go to” food. I’m sure it did NOTHING to calm my stomach, if anything it probably made me feel a bit more like a lead balloon. Regardless, it made me feel better for whatever the reason may be. 


OK so the picture is A BIT dramatic, but you get the point..

Currently, there are HUNDREDS of variations of crackers; to name a few… Oyster Crackers, Sociables, Melba Toast, Wheat Thins, Triscuits… the list goes on.

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 The point of the matter is this: Melba Toast tastes like a combination of burnt white bread your brother screwed up making while drunk and stale crackers. Oyster crackers are not even COMPARABLE, seeing as that they are MADE to be used in conjunction with soup, not as its own entity. Wheat Thins would be good if they didn’t pack in “illegal saturated fats” into the tiny “healthy squares”. Triscuits, well, they are just plain tasteless. You get the point. There is only ONE real type of cracker, and that’s the Premium Saltine. It will forever be sacred to me and well, my stomach.

  1. Can you eat 6 in one minute?

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