…. Yes, I Have Them Too. My Biggest Phobias

In Uncategorized on June 30, 2009 at 4:00 am

I have a lot of phobias. I also have a lot of things that scare the living shit out of me. I will go through my phobia list, perhaps some of you have some of the same ones? I sure hope so.

1) I used to have dreams that alligators/crocodiles were walking around my bedroom all throughout my child hood. I used to knock violently on my parents door from the age of 6 through 11, asking them if it would be ok if I were to sleep in their tub. Clearly, I would be carrying my various baby blankets and G.I. Joe dolls WITH me into the tub. Either way, the concept of crocodiles and alligators still give me the creeps. I can’t figure out whether it’s more the fact that they are quiet killers or that they slowly lurk out of the murky waters.

scary crocodile

2) Getting sick, being nauseous– clearly I have been sick before but I truthfully just don’t like anything about it. I’d rather do anything else in life, like … become a mortician for instance. The feeling of not being in control is what I dislike most about it. I keep massive bottles of TUMS, Saltines, and Xanax close by for this very reason.

woman nauseous_320

3) Serial killers in movies that walk as opposed to run. I used to HATE scary movies, however, over the past 10 years I have grown a liking to the old school slasher flicks. I say slasher because those are truthfully the only ones I will watch (Think Urban Legend, Screams 1&3, Valentine, Texas Chainsaw) movies where there are attractive broads in white tanks, running UP the stairs as opposed to down.


4) Wet Band Aids by the pool– OK you maybe laughing at me at the moment, but honestly, growing up I would get chills up and down my spine at day camp when I’d walk into the pool to find wet band aids and hair by the pool side. The thought of the germs on that wet nasty ass Band Aid STILL gives me the chills.

bandaid5) Finally, GREAT WHITES. I saw Jaws, of course, but prior to Jaws, I had a violent fear of Great Whites. Why you may ask? I sail, and when sailing in the dark many many things cross your mind. OH like, what would happen if a MASSIVE DEADLY GREAT WHITE, for example, DECIDED TO EAT YOUR ENTIRE DINGIE IN ONE GULP. I am still envisioning a white fin in the water every time I help my dad out on the boats.


Here is my advice to the things that scare me: Great White, mind your own god damn business, leave us humans alone. Alligators and crocs, please stop being so sly and scary all at once — either speed up and kill me quickly or leave me be. Serial killers in movies, learn that the only proper slasher film way to kill someone IS TO RUN, not to walk. Walking intimidates not only the victim, but the viewers as well. And for the love of god, if you cut yourself and don’t feel the need for a Band Aid anymore — USE THE TRASH CAN. Is that too much is that to ask?

  1. wow this realy happend up north and I live in Milwaukee,Wiconsin lol ,rofl,my bro lives up north

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