taylorshocks

Jen Aniston and Her Many… Many… Men

In Uncategorized on August 30, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Here’s what I don’t understand….. while skimming through the latest magazines in 7-11 I came across the new ELLE cover with Jennifer Aniston on the cover. How is it possible she’s become even HOTTER with age? The woman is BANGIN’ to say the least. I would do her. That’s besides the point… here’s what I did MEAN to discuss:

WHY IN THE WORLD IS SHE STILL SINGLE?!? She is somewhat of an enigma if you ask me……

jennifer-aniston-elle-magazine-cover-photo-september-2009

I will recap her past flames and give you my insight into what “possibly had happened” and who she should be persuading to take her back.

I will start with THE BEST relationship Jen was ever in, “THE BEAUTIFUL COUPLE — BRAD AND JEN”

070906_brad

A) How unfair is it that they are both equally as attractive? SICKENING.

B) Their hair color even coordinated. Come on, it’s fate!

C) They would have had probably the most adorable children ….. ever.

D) Unlike Angie, Jen doesn’t dig blood around her neck.

Now onto the WORST relationship Jen found herself in: “THE OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO END… IT’S JOHN MAYER, JOHN & JEN RELATIONSHIP”

JenAnistonJohnMayer456

It doesn’t really need to be explained just how skanky and man-whorish John Mayer is. While I adore his music and buy his albums, his habit of “kissing and telling” is just way below the belt. I’m sorry I really don’t want to envision you orgasming when you make the most disgusting facial expressions when SINGING… let alone in the bedroom. Get of out here JM, really. Jen should’ve listened to her friends who told her ABORT MISSION from the beginning.

The we have the, “THIS IS THE… WELL, IT’S CONVENIENT AND WERE BOTH FAMOUS RELATIONSHIP– VINCE AND JEN”

jennifer-aniston-vince-vaughn-french-open-tennis

Clearly this wasn’t what her horoscope told her to do. He’s tall, somewhat gawkish, and clearly was not into Jen. I see the attraction to Vince somewhat… he’s funny yes. I would like to chug a few beers with him then hit the billiard pool, but not date him. But hey, that’s me. Regardless, once filming for whatever flop movie they were in together wrapped — they did too. Not a big love lost here.

Lastly we have the “YOUR NAME IS BRAD AND WHILE YOU’RE NO BRAD PITT, YOU’LL DO FOR NOW RELATIONSHIP– JEN AND BRAD x2”

6f028_b803cd05880266c0_090619-jen-bradleyHere we have Exhibit A- which we see all too often, Jen on a romantic date with a celebrity male. Shortly following this date will be tabloid fotter saying Jen has been impregnated or found the man of her dreams. I know the ladder is untrue, can’t say the same for the baby situation. She picked “the man” of the moment — he’s the new Robin Williams, granted, but had no interest in her either and quickly swept up Renee Zellwiger (which literally isn’t all too hard to do).

Dear Jen,

Here’s my plan of attack for you. Ditch men and buy a cat…. or two.

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  1. Ok, TaylorShock’s Weblog, there is just one thing you are forgetting with your analysis of Jennifer Aniston’s tabloid trail of male lovers? She has gone on camera, behind a microphone, and lamented the fact that she has not been in a movie that includes a fairy tale ending with a dude! This is, I think, the only thing the casual observer can really conclude as being true in her life. That while her tabloid life is certainly enviable to every middle aged lonely woman on the planet, her own personal testimony is one of a lonely middle aged woman. I, for one, choose to believe. And the main reason is because if I don’t, then no one else that she has never heard of will either.

  2. Because I think that she must be bat-shot crazy. Seriously, she looks THAT and cannot keep a man???

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