Here’s what happened — after dinner at Seniora Martinez last evening, my parents thought it would be fun to stop by the “happening and recently renovated” Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami. While this hotel was on my “To Do List” a year ago — I have to report, I was BEYOND disappointed with what I came across. The only salvation of my adventure was the EXTRA STIFF Vodka Tonic at Bleau bar.
Here were my MAJOR issues with the newly redone hotel, in no order:
1) I would estimate, roughly, that 90% of the guests in the hotel did not speak English — and I’m generally quite bad with my calculations. Just an FYI.
2) In order to find your way around this oddly shaped pod of a hotel, you needed interactive computerized maps that signaled to you where you were, and where en route the elevators were.
3) In the “hot lounge/lobby bar” located in the center of the hotel if you can even call it that — there were MORE children running around, swiveling around on the Art Deco chairs than there were adults! I am NOT lying to you folks — I would say it was approximately 11pm too which adds to the confusion in my book… Maybe they’re still on international time?
4) I was given the “eye” at LEAST five times in an hour duration — by both men and women. I’m sorry — when I meander around my hotel I don’t get stared at which until this point in time I didn’t really appreciate. This isn’t a catwalk this is a hallway of a hotel – STOP STARTING, ok great thanks.
5) There is NO COHESION WHATSOEVER to the various parts of the hotel — If you consider 400 plastic beach chairs paired next to luxurious cabanas, an all glass extremely modern gym, a Rat Pack inspired lobby, and high end chain boutiques cohesive? Then perhaps style and design isn’t my forte. I could be wrong but none of it fit together in my eyes — what were they thinking? Let’s take all the “hot style trends of 08 and 09” and throw them into one oddly configured, oddly styled hotel? NO THANKS… I will continue to reside down the street.