The Parent Trap — True to Her True Natural Hue Lindsay
This was the point at which she got her lucky break. I think we all can agree that her “lucky break” was in fact the worst decision her mother ever made — allowing her to audition for a movie as a child. She is the prime example of what could go wrong with child actors DOES. Case in point as lawyers like to say.
The Hot, Real Big Boobed Lindsay
This was the short lived period during which Lindsay was in fact heterosexual, had real attractive breasts, and hadn’t destroyed her career yet. She was a sex kitten with the potential to become a stable household name in the “movie industry”. Funny that we once associated her with cinema.
The “I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About — I’m Not on Coke” Lindsay
This is personally my favorite Lindsay stage. She literally is drooling and incoherent in virtually every photograph taken during this period of her life. She is usually spotted in the back of a shady stranger’s SUV unconscious — what a quick fall LiLo.
The My Interest in Food and Men Have Gone Away Lindsay
Here’s the phase during which she began sleeping with women… well, that is if you consider Sam Ronson a full blown female which in my opinion is still up in the air. She also realized eating was “out of vogue” — she is photographed during this time with her skinny counterpart Nicole Richie, sporting shirts that stated “SKINNY BITCH”. Cute really.
The I’m Now Dried Up, Not Invited to Galas/Parties/Special Events Anymore, and Bloated Lindsay
This is my least favorite phase of Lindsay’s. She’s somewhat sad and pathetic — who am I kidding, she is extremely sad and pathetic. She is out partying like she used to 6 years ago, except this time around, she is “the party crasher” and the one who makes every event look tacky. Also, Lindsay, the ankle bracelet and bloated demeanor really isn’t at all flattering. Trust me.