I will first and foremost make the very obvious statement to anyone who knows me that I am public transportationally challenged? Does that work? I’ve lived in let’s see here San Francisco, New York and Boston and could count on a set of hands how many times I in fact used public transportation. Perhaps my horrible encounter with a bag lady carrying a live chicken on my ONE San Fran bus ride stunted me for life? I really don’t know — all that I do know? Is that me and the Subway/T/Muni? Are not friends.
So… now that I’ve switched offices of work in the city, I really have no option but to commute — tear sad face. Here’s the thing, two weeks into trying this whole “subway” system? And I feel COMPLETELY confident I could write a full blown novella on the ins and outs of the subway system here in New York. I’m appalled? Fascinated? Concerned? All at once.
Here are some rules I have for the subway — and yes, even though I’m a newbie I can sure as hell still make some guidelines for all to abide.
If you have a bag, ladies, no problem. Do not however, bring a bag onto the subway the size of a small toddler. It not only is WILDLY not necessary (unless your office doesn’t supply you a computer and you’re forced to bring your own PC from home) and it’s also wasteful use of cramped subway space.
Books — Ok, no. I have a Kindle — if I don’t have my Kindle I’m ‘pretending to be doing business’ on my phone. You do not have any right to bring a full fledged hard cover onto the train — sorry but you know it’s true too you’re just not admitting it to me right now. Reading hard backs should be a past time enjoyed solely in the comfort of your own home on your own goddamn couch.
Newspapers I can deal with IF folded — you’re clearly not Superman, able to read the entire NYTimes cover at once, therefore, it would be CONSIDERATE of you to do us all a favor and just close the parts you’re not reading. Thank you and goodnight.
Last but most certainly not least — people who bring food onto the train. Let me be as inoffensive as I can be with this here. If at 6:10 you’re having you’re “dinner” on the public subway bus? You’re most likely eating fast food. In that case? The last thing I personally want, when coming back exhausted on a hot crowded subway bus at 6:30 at night, is to smell your stinky ass $2.00 Filet-O-Fish from Wendy’s. Sorry. Enjoy it in the privacy of the public NYC bathrooms instead.