How Is Life Easier For Men? Let Me Gladly Count The Ways

In Uncategorized on December 29, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Let me preface this post as follows — for the MOST PART? I enjoy being a girl. I have grown accostumed to all things necessary to make it as a fully functioning woman in society, so for that? I tap myself big time on the back. I used to be quite a girly girl rebel — choosing mainly to wear my brothers Quiksilver hoodies and my own Simples/Van kicks. It took me, to be honest, until a year or two ago to start appreciating the more feminine things in life such as a great pedicure or a wonderful dye job.

The fact of the matter is, however, no matter how the hell you cut it — men have it infinitely easier on a day to day basis than women. Those men that beg to differ will enjoy reading my post — then, hopefully, gain a better understanding of the hardships, us women, face in order to make it as a good lucking chick in modern day society.

Have a slow metabolism? Well, that sucks for you

Men have the luxury of not really gaining or losing all too much weight. Women, on the other hand, have to watch it for the most part. No, unless you’re Heidi Klum whom clearly saved dying babies in her other life, you’re not able to chug ten beers, eat two Big Macs and polish it off with an Apple Pie without feeling it big time shortly thereafter. My brother, for instance, has the ability to eat the amount a normal sumo wrestler would consume and yet somehow manage to lose weight. What a rough life men live.

Granny Panties and Mom Bras? No Speak Englais.

Men, no matter how much they beg to differ, DO NOT in fact find your white/cream/polka dot cotton bras or underwear flattering or sexy in any setting. Unless you’re doing some gross role playing in which they’re living out their desire to be with their local librarian? It’s necessary women dress the part for their man. Meaning, wired/lacy/itchy bras that look much better than they feel and lacy, see through, riding up your ass thongs. Oh well, that’s life.

No need to constantly upkeep your nails (hands or feet) —

Let’s be real here for a minute. Let’s say “hypothetically here” — that you, sir, go on a date with a girl. The date BEGINS great — then you take a look at her nails. Chipped nail polish, oddly shaped, rough edged nails …. You then proceed to see her in a bedroom setting and see skank ass looking toe nails. What really is the likelihood you’ll be calling her for date #2? Thank you AND goodnight.

Not having to worry about being whistled in …. well… virtually every social or work setting —

I’m NO Giselle, but I do manage to garner quite a large amount of whistling and comments. I once had a Red Sea- like situation occur in the fall of this year in NYC when a group of six men literally parted as though they were re-playing a scene from the parting of the Red Sea. I don’t think the comments men make at bars are ALWAYS tacky? I will say, however, the wildly overweight construction workers sipping on their Orange Sodas with their beer bellies in full view yelling “Hey Babayyy”? Isn’t fun, no matter HOW busted of a woman you are, sorry but it’s true.

Maternity clothes? What do those look like exactly?…..

It’s enough that women have to carry a load – literally and metaphorically for NINE full months. Nausea, bloating, odd hunger pains, discomfort — you get the drift. To make matters insanely worse, NOTHING is truly flattering on pregnant women. You can compliment them all you want and say how “naturally glowing” they look, but when push comes to shove? Every women looks like a real life Oompa Loompa in maternity clothes. And even if you choose to splurge on your favorite designer jeans “done mom”? You’ll have to toss them once the kid is born — unless, that is, you want to keep the baby fat on and pretend for months following you’re expecting yet another? No one’s here to judge you, I promise.

Waxing — The burning, scorching, expensive “hobby” you don’t have to worry about —

Replay the scene from 40 Year Old Virgin back in your head…. then imagine THAT being done to the following areas (give or take): your downtown region, eye brows, upper lip, left leg, right leg, left arm, right arm. You get the point. Waxing is itchy, scorchingly hot when applied and very uncomfortable depending on where, exactly, you’re choosing to wax. Be lucky, men, that being hairless like a cat isn’t a requirement in order to get a call back. That’s all I’ll say about the matter.

Leggings, tights, stockings? Not necessary for you folks —

Now, what’s ironic about stockings is that I used to absolutely DETEST wearing stockings. Maybe it was my mom’s strict rules about having to wear them during the winter seasons? Or perhaps it was more the fact I felt like an old grandma when I did succumb to wearing them. Needless to say? I was NOT  a fan of hosiery. Once I began working in corporate America, I started warming up to the tight concept. However, and this is a large ass however, unless you’re as meticulous as a jewelry maker? It is INEVITABLE that you’ll cause runs/ holes in your stockings within a day or two, making them trash worthy and unwearable. I can’t still figure out the magic to NOT ruining tights of mine under a week of wear.

Heel wearage 10+ hours a day, every day, even or more importantly on weekends off —

Think because it’s Friday after work that the need to wear creepishly high heels is through? Think again… if you were to show up in any metro city in the USA in flats or sneaks, you wouldn’t be allowed in or maybe if you were? You would be looked at with embarrassment. The unwritten rule of thumb is that you wear heels out at night — whether it be a “girls night out” or a date with a gentleman.

  1. 1, you’re probably after the wrong dudes if they give a fuck about your toenails. 2nd u girls are your own worst enemy, making yourselves and other girls think they need to do all this shit to get a dude, yeah maybe to score a one night stand, but any guy worth sticking around for wont care about any of this shit and think you’re beautiful when u wake up in the morning or if hes holding ur hair up while ur throwing up in a public restroom after drinking too much. so. you do it to yourself..and guys dont have it easy.. i could go on. but im just saying. this is alittle one sided.

    • I totally agree Chris, just did it as a comical post — it was meant to be intentionally one sided lol.

      Thanks for the comment nonetheless. And I agree with you — in the end? None of it matters lol it’s just funny to think about.

  2. As a guy, I’m a little sympathetic to a few of these. But a girl could have webbed feet or hands and I probably wouldn’t even notice, much less care. Same goes for shoes – if you think you’re doing it to impress guys you’re wasting your time. Shoes/nails are maintained to impress other girls, not guys.

    As for the underwear – spot on analysis. Attention to such details never goes unnoticed.

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