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Posts Tagged ‘Jennifer Aniston’

Celebrities Destined Never To Wed

In Uncategorized on November 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

JEN ANISTON/JOHN MAYER

Ya know, the more I think about it the more I think they are an ideal match. Come on — let’s analyze here for a minute. Both have been around the Hollywood block and back, many – o – times and have yet to keep a relationship that’s lasted. I think John is less likely to ever get married solely his doing; he is too self absorbed and childish to move out of his own way. JAniston would marry her LA car driver if he were to pop the question at this point, but for some reason the chick is nuts as I’ve blogged about years ago.

JOHN STAMOS

While I think John is personally one of the top 5 most attractive men in Hollywood?  I think he just prefers to maintain his “I look 30 and I’m uber bronzed and still getting TV gigs so I will continue to dirty text girls born in 1988 or later”. Hey, whatever floats your boat John — I will just chime in, if you happen to read this message me– well exchange BBMs. I have no shame.

CHARLIE SHEEN

This one goes without saying. Come to think of it — I don’t think I could think of one human alive less inept to get married than Mr. Sheen. He is not only a narcissistic, raging alcoholic drug addict? But he’s scary and threatens the lives of all women that enter his sick and perverted world of hookers, coke and many many suites under fake names.

LINDSAY LOHAN

If she ever happens to stop abusing drugs, pain killers, cocaine and pot maybe she will be able to then figure out which gender/ sex she prefers? I think she is a train wreck headed for the deep end of the Hollywood cliffs. I will say her relationship with Sam Ronson made me more sad for her than the drug addictions — she just really has no idea who she is. Maybe if she’s around to see the age of 30 she will realize that Hollywood just isn’t where she should be. Perhaps find a burn out like herself and settle dog, maybe buy a Boxer?


CAMERON DIAZ

I love her I think she’s hot, in shape and wildly independent. What I don’t necessarily understand about her, however, is why she always chooses the over steroidal athletes who will be willing to ditch her for the next young thing that falls in their lap at the strip club. I think she should take some pointers from other actresses who pick less well-known, more “I enjoy nights in watching Seinfeld and drinking 2 Buck Chuck”.

GEORGE CLOONEY

I will conclude with Clooney — oh I like how that sounds. I mean he clearly took an anti aging pill at 24 and it has been wildly successful for him ever since. He is unable to age and if anything looks better as he gets older. But I think he has a lot of momma issues if you will and will never be content with any one woman — no matter how hot  they make look on the back on his Vespa in Florence.




What I Look For In A Man

In Uncategorized on September 19, 2010 at 7:40 pm

WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR (FOR THOSE OF YOU WONDERING….)

This post has been on the back burner in my drafts for months now — I have drafted it, re wrote it, then eventually gave up trying to make a post that offends no one I’ve ever been with — which… I’ve come to realize, is impossible. With that in mind, ENJOY.

1) You must, absolutely, be interested in scary/horror films. You must also, absolutely, not like romantic comedies. I’m sorry but I am not willing to waver on this — I love guts, people running up the stairs in masks with knifes and girls running outside in the rain in white shirts. I do not like any movie starring Kate Hudson and or Jennifer Aniston. I could guess the outcome of those films before walking in and save myself the $12 dollars. Thank you very much.

2) You have to have a sense of humor — why? Because I have a very dry one — and appreciate those around me who can make me laugh. While I don’t expect to start dating a comedian any time soon (again I say, I don’t mean to offend any of my fellow past hookups) but I think you need to be able to make me laugh. I’m also too Type A to be with someone as Type A as myself, it’d make for the most uptight couple alive.


3) You have to be dorky — in one context or another. I love to watch cartoons, eat pudding and waffles with whipped cream, read a lot and know all that’s going on in the news. Yes, I am in fact very nerdy. I also never missed a lecture in college — ok, I may have been THAT girl but whatever yo, don’t judge. Point of the matter is that, I need my “other half” to be well read if nothing more. Perhaps they don’t have to partake in my Sponge Bob/ Jimmy Neutron watching, but they do have to know what recalls have occurred in the past month or two, sorry I’m harsh — but it is what it is.


4) You can’t like cats….. or rodents….. or snakes. Yeah, there’s no need to even explain my rationale for this but I don’t like cats — I also don’t like “cat people” meaning those of you whom stay in rocking chairs petting your cat and feeding it milk? Please don’t contact me, ever. I also am WILDLY afraid of mice, rats, rodents, vermin — tomato, tomatoe. If you have a liking for animals with big gross tails? I’m going to pass on your dinner offer. Lastly, my next door neighbor growing up had a snake as a pet… he also had longer hair than myself…. and a black trench coat. Need I say more?


I’m sure this post will offend some, intrigue others and do nothing for the remaining readers but the post had to be done. I may also, if I so desire, update this as I experience more of NYC, as a young girl out on the town. As of now, the requirements are staying put.


My Extreme Love and Hate for John Mayer (Part Deux)

In Uncategorized on February 15, 2010 at 7:23 pm

I cannot emphasize just how much I despise John Mayer in many forms of his existence. But here is the catch — I have loved all albums he has put out since I was in 7th grade… I am now graduating from college. That’s saying something. There have been PLENTY of musicians that have come and go on my IPod and in my heart but John’s lyrics and songs capture me. I feel I can relate to so many of his lyrics. But this is where the conflict arises in my head…

How is a musician who produces such lyrical and meaningful songs SUCH a womanizing, trash talking, psychological liar in real life? It makes no sense to me. Do I stop buying his music because he kisses and tells? Or do I continue to endorse him in his musical endeavors, while trying my best to forget about his personal existence? That’s where the conflict lies in my eyes.

1) I don’t like his inability to shut his mouth in the Social Networking Universe — it is NOT necessary you Twitter about your bowel movements, masturbation, and how great of a lay you are

2) Find a great psychologist and sex therapist, and book yourself some appointments — after the recent stunts in Playboy Magazine, I wouldn’t be surprised if others gave you the same goddamn advice, you not only used the “n” word in a derogatory manner, but you also once again exploited Jessica Simpson and your situation between the sheets — grow up and get help


3) You have officially taken over the title of the “Biggest Womanizer in the Music Industry” — congrats John, really. I’m sure you’re extremely proud of yourself. Here’s the thing — If I were a celebrity female, and you tried approaching me I would VEER clear. Once a womanizer, always a womanizer in my eyes. These girls don’t seem to mind, but I certainly would.

So there’s my advice for the “oh so lovely” Mayer. The thing is, I will still continue to support him in his musical profession, I presume I just won’t be taking his Blackberry Pin if I ever happen to run into him at a bar ANY TIME in the near future. My final comment will be as follows: He needs a tune up.

Jen Aniston and Her Many… Many… Men

In Uncategorized on August 30, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Here’s what I don’t understand….. while skimming through the latest magazines in 7-11 I came across the new ELLE cover with Jennifer Aniston on the cover. How is it possible she’s become even HOTTER with age? The woman is BANGIN’ to say the least. I would do her. That’s besides the point… here’s what I did MEAN to discuss:

WHY IN THE WORLD IS SHE STILL SINGLE?!? She is somewhat of an enigma if you ask me……

jennifer-aniston-elle-magazine-cover-photo-september-2009

I will recap her past flames and give you my insight into what “possibly had happened” and who she should be persuading to take her back.

I will start with THE BEST relationship Jen was ever in, “THE BEAUTIFUL COUPLE — BRAD AND JEN”

070906_brad

A) How unfair is it that they are both equally as attractive? SICKENING.

B) Their hair color even coordinated. Come on, it’s fate!

C) They would have had probably the most adorable children ….. ever.

D) Unlike Angie, Jen doesn’t dig blood around her neck.

Now onto the WORST relationship Jen found herself in: “THE OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO END… IT’S JOHN MAYER, JOHN & JEN RELATIONSHIP”

JenAnistonJohnMayer456

It doesn’t really need to be explained just how skanky and man-whorish John Mayer is. While I adore his music and buy his albums, his habit of “kissing and telling” is just way below the belt. I’m sorry I really don’t want to envision you orgasming when you make the most disgusting facial expressions when SINGING… let alone in the bedroom. Get of out here JM, really. Jen should’ve listened to her friends who told her ABORT MISSION from the beginning.

The we have the, “THIS IS THE… WELL, IT’S CONVENIENT AND WERE BOTH FAMOUS RELATIONSHIP– VINCE AND JEN”

jennifer-aniston-vince-vaughn-french-open-tennis

Clearly this wasn’t what her horoscope told her to do. He’s tall, somewhat gawkish, and clearly was not into Jen. I see the attraction to Vince somewhat… he’s funny yes. I would like to chug a few beers with him then hit the billiard pool, but not date him. But hey, that’s me. Regardless, once filming for whatever flop movie they were in together wrapped — they did too. Not a big love lost here.

Lastly we have the “YOUR NAME IS BRAD AND WHILE YOU’RE NO BRAD PITT, YOU’LL DO FOR NOW RELATIONSHIP– JEN AND BRAD x2”

6f028_b803cd05880266c0_090619-jen-bradleyHere we have Exhibit A- which we see all too often, Jen on a romantic date with a celebrity male. Shortly following this date will be tabloid fotter saying Jen has been impregnated or found the man of her dreams. I know the ladder is untrue, can’t say the same for the baby situation. She picked “the man” of the moment — he’s the new Robin Williams, granted, but had no interest in her either and quickly swept up Renee Zellwiger (which literally isn’t all too hard to do).

Dear Jen,

Here’s my plan of attack for you. Ditch men and buy a cat…. or two.